The Sea Lion

"Once upon a time there lived a sea lion who had lost the sea.

He lived in a country known as the barren lands.  High on a plateau far from any coast, it was a place so dry and dusty that it could only be called a desert.  A kind of coarse grass grew in patches here and there, and a few trees were scattered across the horizon.  But mostly, it was dust.  And sometimes wind, which together make one very thirsty.  Of course, it must seem strange to you that such a beautiful creature should wind up in a desert at all.  He was, mind you, a sea lion.  But things like this do happen.

How the sea lion came to the barren lands, no one could remember.  It all seemed so very long ago.  So long, in fact, it appeared as though he had always been there.  Not that he belonged in such an arid place.  How could that be?  He was, after all, a sea lion.  But as you know, once you have lived so long in a certain spot, no matter how odd, you come to think of it as home."

Here We Go!

Yesterday was such an odd eating day.  I ate breakfast and snack like usual, and then I had lunch at a bbq restaurant. 

Now, I love love bbq, but I was overwhelmed with the buffet and all of its choices.  Lots of starch, lots of fat, lots of yummy food.  And then there's always dessert on a buffet.  I didn't know whether or not to challenge myself, but when banana pudding calls, there's not much resisting on my part. 

Then, I went walking on the dam and really enjoyed myself, but I didn't realize the time and the fact that I needed to eat soon after the walk.  I was offered an oatmeal creme pie, which are my absolute favorite Little Debbie cakes.  Because I had already eaten dessert, I didn't want to challenge myself.  I ate a handful of nuts instead ("safer" food), and it really helped regulate my hunger until dinner. 

Dinner was an awesome Zaxby's salad.  Mmmmm. 

Snack time rolled around again though, and I needed something.  My brain knew that I needed yogurt or dairy, but that wasn't available on my drive home.  What was?  That silly oatmeal creme pie, and I gave in.  My thought process was burdening to me, but I ate it anyway, realizing that I could begin again the next day.

Well, here's the next day, and what do I have ahead?  Thanksgiving dinner.  That's right.  An early meal with friends on a great Saturday night.  I am going to challenge myself, but I am going to make wise choices for me.

Here are the holidays, and they are difficult to manage with little ole ED.  Days of cookies, casseroles, candies, cakes.  Batten down the hatches, boys!

Crash Landing

Olive has taken to jumping from my bed to my desk.  Now this probably wouldn't be that much of a problem, but because my desk is covered with heavy plastic, she is doomed.  She goes crashing into the wall every time, and it cracks me up!!

She also has decided to wear my shower curtain every time I am in the bathroom putting on makeup and beginning my day.  I don't know what's up with her!

So, I didn't realize how much mental energy it takes to overcome an eating disorder, and I'm just mainly thinking about the food plan!  Yes, after almost a year of recovery, I am still adhering to my eating plan.  It is just a guideline, but it helps tremendously to know how to pattern my eating.  I don't feel that it is enslaving me, rather I need it to continue to be healthy.  How do "normal" people eat?  They don't have eating plans.  I can't imagine yet how that would look.

Blast from the Past

So, while in the salon the other day getting my hair cut, I heard a dear voice in the chair behind me.  Oh, how that voice made me so excited.  It was one of comfort to me last year, and to hear it again did not bring bad memories but hope and energy. 

It was a dear intern from Renfrew who guided me through a lot of healing.  Never did she reprimand me for crying or for being aggravated with her.  She showed me such patience and love and yet stretched and poked me to grow.  She really was the arms of Jesus to me during that time. 

She asked me how I was doing, and I could honestly say that things were going well.  How thankful to my Lord for allowing things to go well for me.  Without this intern's help last year, I'm not sure where I'd be.  However, I do know that I would be exactly held and loved by God in the midst of it all. 

The Next Step...

As I sat in the kitchen the other day, I watched Olive come leaping from the next room.  She dove head-first into my plants that sit beside my window.  She obviously didn't consider that it might hurt to jump; she just flew!

I don't remember the last time I flew into a decision like that.  Sometimes, I wish that I could just throw caution to the wind and know that I would be okay.

Do any of you have trouble just taking that next step?  Whether it's a complete leap into the unknown or a mere toe-dip, it's a scary thing.  I just sometimes want to stop at the thresh hold and stay where I am, comfortable and at-ease.  I have a feeling that God wants more for us.  What would trusting Him be if we knew what the outcome would look like?
 

Mustard

I know that this blog is not very big and is not very interesting, I hope to plant a small mustard seed in the hearts of those that read it.  Please remember to pass along a mustard seed of hope and truth in someone's life today.  It only takes a small start for someone to be encouraged in their journey and struggles with ED and the Lord.  How wonderful He is! 

Good

"The Lord's been good to me, and so I thank the Lord, for giving me the things I need, the sun and rain and the apple seed.  Yes, he's been good to me"  (Johnny Appleseed, Disney's Melody Time).  This song reminds me that everything I need, the Lord gives to me.  He knows what I need before I can even utter a word.  While this isn't a long posting, it is what is on my heart.  What a great and loving Father we have! 

I John 3:1--"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God.  And that is what we are."  Hold fast to the knowledge that we are children of a faithful God who will never leave or forsake us.  Even when ED is strong and loud, know that the Lord is fighting harder and louder for you.