Although I didn't want to do it, I gave Olive up yesterday. I took her to my dad's office, and she's staying there until we figure out a solution. She has not been doing well with me for the past few months, and as patient as I've been, it has gone far enough. She has not been happy with me being gone so much, and my schedule isn't changing anytime soon. In order for her to have a little more peace, she's in a different situation for a while. She is also up for adoption if anyone wants her!
This is the first relationship I have ever had to end. One tiny step for Olive, one giant leap for Anna Winn.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Taste
"Oh taste and see that the Lord is good. How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him." Psalm 34:8
So I haven't blogged in quite a while. Sorry to say that I've been utterly busy with so many different things. I haven't had much time to reflect on my eating disorder, and that might not be a good thing. Often, the more that I don't think about it, ED sneaks in to take over in quite subtle ways. I pray that we would all take refuge in the Lord who can deliver us from ED and protect us in the shadow of His wings during this chaotic time of year.
During this season we need to take the time to make sure that we are paying attention to our bodies' little cues. Slow down when it's letting you know that you're tired. Treat yourself well and take care of your needs. When I say this I feel so selfish, but if we don't stop and do something for ourselves (even something tiny like enjoying a piece of chocolate), we can burn out quickly and give ED a foothold.
Stop and smell a flower today and remember to thank the Lord for all the blessings He has given us! "Taste and see that the Lord is good!"
So I haven't blogged in quite a while. Sorry to say that I've been utterly busy with so many different things. I haven't had much time to reflect on my eating disorder, and that might not be a good thing. Often, the more that I don't think about it, ED sneaks in to take over in quite subtle ways. I pray that we would all take refuge in the Lord who can deliver us from ED and protect us in the shadow of His wings during this chaotic time of year.
During this season we need to take the time to make sure that we are paying attention to our bodies' little cues. Slow down when it's letting you know that you're tired. Treat yourself well and take care of your needs. When I say this I feel so selfish, but if we don't stop and do something for ourselves (even something tiny like enjoying a piece of chocolate), we can burn out quickly and give ED a foothold.
Stop and smell a flower today and remember to thank the Lord for all the blessings He has given us! "Taste and see that the Lord is good!"
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
The Sea Lion
"Once upon a time there lived a sea lion who had lost the sea.
He lived in a country known as the barren lands. High on a plateau far from any coast, it was a place so dry and dusty that it could only be called a desert. A kind of coarse grass grew in patches here and there, and a few trees were scattered across the horizon. But mostly, it was dust. And sometimes wind, which together make one very thirsty. Of course, it must seem strange to you that such a beautiful creature should wind up in a desert at all. He was, mind you, a sea lion. But things like this do happen.
How the sea lion came to the barren lands, no one could remember. It all seemed so very long ago. So long, in fact, it appeared as though he had always been there. Not that he belonged in such an arid place. How could that be? He was, after all, a sea lion. But as you know, once you have lived so long in a certain spot, no matter how odd, you come to think of it as home."
He lived in a country known as the barren lands. High on a plateau far from any coast, it was a place so dry and dusty that it could only be called a desert. A kind of coarse grass grew in patches here and there, and a few trees were scattered across the horizon. But mostly, it was dust. And sometimes wind, which together make one very thirsty. Of course, it must seem strange to you that such a beautiful creature should wind up in a desert at all. He was, mind you, a sea lion. But things like this do happen.
How the sea lion came to the barren lands, no one could remember. It all seemed so very long ago. So long, in fact, it appeared as though he had always been there. Not that he belonged in such an arid place. How could that be? He was, after all, a sea lion. But as you know, once you have lived so long in a certain spot, no matter how odd, you come to think of it as home."
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Here We Go!
Yesterday was such an odd eating day. I ate breakfast and snack like usual, and then I had lunch at a bbq restaurant.
Now, I love love bbq, but I was overwhelmed with the buffet and all of its choices. Lots of starch, lots of fat, lots of yummy food. And then there's always dessert on a buffet. I didn't know whether or not to challenge myself, but when banana pudding calls, there's not much resisting on my part.
Then, I went walking on the dam and really enjoyed myself, but I didn't realize the time and the fact that I needed to eat soon after the walk. I was offered an oatmeal creme pie, which are my absolute favorite Little Debbie cakes. Because I had already eaten dessert, I didn't want to challenge myself. I ate a handful of nuts instead ("safer" food), and it really helped regulate my hunger until dinner.
Dinner was an awesome Zaxby's salad. Mmmmm.
Snack time rolled around again though, and I needed something. My brain knew that I needed yogurt or dairy, but that wasn't available on my drive home. What was? That silly oatmeal creme pie, and I gave in. My thought process was burdening to me, but I ate it anyway, realizing that I could begin again the next day.
Well, here's the next day, and what do I have ahead? Thanksgiving dinner. That's right. An early meal with friends on a great Saturday night. I am going to challenge myself, but I am going to make wise choices for me.
Here are the holidays, and they are difficult to manage with little ole ED. Days of cookies, casseroles, candies, cakes. Batten down the hatches, boys!
Now, I love love bbq, but I was overwhelmed with the buffet and all of its choices. Lots of starch, lots of fat, lots of yummy food. And then there's always dessert on a buffet. I didn't know whether or not to challenge myself, but when banana pudding calls, there's not much resisting on my part.
Then, I went walking on the dam and really enjoyed myself, but I didn't realize the time and the fact that I needed to eat soon after the walk. I was offered an oatmeal creme pie, which are my absolute favorite Little Debbie cakes. Because I had already eaten dessert, I didn't want to challenge myself. I ate a handful of nuts instead ("safer" food), and it really helped regulate my hunger until dinner.
Dinner was an awesome Zaxby's salad. Mmmmm.
Snack time rolled around again though, and I needed something. My brain knew that I needed yogurt or dairy, but that wasn't available on my drive home. What was? That silly oatmeal creme pie, and I gave in. My thought process was burdening to me, but I ate it anyway, realizing that I could begin again the next day.
Well, here's the next day, and what do I have ahead? Thanksgiving dinner. That's right. An early meal with friends on a great Saturday night. I am going to challenge myself, but I am going to make wise choices for me.
Here are the holidays, and they are difficult to manage with little ole ED. Days of cookies, casseroles, candies, cakes. Batten down the hatches, boys!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Crash Landing
Olive has taken to jumping from my bed to my desk. Now this probably wouldn't be that much of a problem, but because my desk is covered with heavy plastic, she is doomed. She goes crashing into the wall every time, and it cracks me up!!
She also has decided to wear my shower curtain every time I am in the bathroom putting on makeup and beginning my day. I don't know what's up with her!
So, I didn't realize how much mental energy it takes to overcome an eating disorder, and I'm just mainly thinking about the food plan! Yes, after almost a year of recovery, I am still adhering to my eating plan. It is just a guideline, but it helps tremendously to know how to pattern my eating. I don't feel that it is enslaving me, rather I need it to continue to be healthy. How do "normal" people eat? They don't have eating plans. I can't imagine yet how that would look.
She also has decided to wear my shower curtain every time I am in the bathroom putting on makeup and beginning my day. I don't know what's up with her!
So, I didn't realize how much mental energy it takes to overcome an eating disorder, and I'm just mainly thinking about the food plan! Yes, after almost a year of recovery, I am still adhering to my eating plan. It is just a guideline, but it helps tremendously to know how to pattern my eating. I don't feel that it is enslaving me, rather I need it to continue to be healthy. How do "normal" people eat? They don't have eating plans. I can't imagine yet how that would look.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Blast from the Past
So, while in the salon the other day getting my hair cut, I heard a dear voice in the chair behind me. Oh, how that voice made me so excited. It was one of comfort to me last year, and to hear it again did not bring bad memories but hope and energy.
It was a dear intern from Renfrew who guided me through a lot of healing. Never did she reprimand me for crying or for being aggravated with her. She showed me such patience and love and yet stretched and poked me to grow. She really was the arms of Jesus to me during that time.
She asked me how I was doing, and I could honestly say that things were going well. How thankful to my Lord for allowing things to go well for me. Without this intern's help last year, I'm not sure where I'd be. However, I do know that I would be exactly held and loved by God in the midst of it all.
It was a dear intern from Renfrew who guided me through a lot of healing. Never did she reprimand me for crying or for being aggravated with her. She showed me such patience and love and yet stretched and poked me to grow. She really was the arms of Jesus to me during that time.
She asked me how I was doing, and I could honestly say that things were going well. How thankful to my Lord for allowing things to go well for me. Without this intern's help last year, I'm not sure where I'd be. However, I do know that I would be exactly held and loved by God in the midst of it all.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
The Next Step...
As I sat in the kitchen the other day, I watched Olive come leaping from the next room. She dove head-first into my plants that sit beside my window. She obviously didn't consider that it might hurt to jump; she just flew!
I don't remember the last time I flew into a decision like that. Sometimes, I wish that I could just throw caution to the wind and know that I would be okay.
Do any of you have trouble just taking that next step? Whether it's a complete leap into the unknown or a mere toe-dip, it's a scary thing. I just sometimes want to stop at the thresh hold and stay where I am, comfortable and at-ease. I have a feeling that God wants more for us. What would trusting Him be if we knew what the outcome would look like?
I don't remember the last time I flew into a decision like that. Sometimes, I wish that I could just throw caution to the wind and know that I would be okay.
Do any of you have trouble just taking that next step? Whether it's a complete leap into the unknown or a mere toe-dip, it's a scary thing. I just sometimes want to stop at the thresh hold and stay where I am, comfortable and at-ease. I have a feeling that God wants more for us. What would trusting Him be if we knew what the outcome would look like?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)